I Want To Kill My Throat

I was determined to not get sick like I did last year, and I managed to put it off for a while, but I suppose when your lecture halls contain 400+ people it's impossible to avoid entirely. Unfortunately (yes, unfortunately), I'm pretty healthy overall and have never gotten seriously sick, so if I go to a doctor's they'll just tell me there's nothing wrong with me. Yeah, thanks. 

Lately, I've been having trouble living in the present, because of my summer plans and the fact that I'm really NOT enjoying my classes this time around. Plus, winter quarter just plain sucks.

If someone wants to whisk me away for a little while, please do.

Bilbo!

Too bad the little rodent isn't making me feel any better about work. 

I Has A Hamster?

He's huge, but totally awesome. No name decided for sure yet, but I want to name him after a Hobbit.

I'm so behind in bio and chem; I have no motivation when it comes to them. I can't wait to start taking useful classes, but alas, that's another eight weeks away.

Besides that, not much is going on. Just waiting till summer for the vacation of my dreams. Though for all I know, Ireland might be a craphole and England might be full of snobs. :D

Also, I totally got Cassandra addicted to Doogie Howser. ^_^

I Went The Other Way; Where Are You Today?

While mice and rats are completely awesome, checking up on hundreds of them for hours is not. I think I would rather go back to the food industry. At least you get, well, food; I went seven hours without it today and had a terrible headache during bio.

I've been thinking about getting some kind of rodent lately. Actually, it's been there in the back of my mind for quite a while, as we had three (four?) hamsters in the suite last year. The only problem is, I'm hardly ever in one place, and I don't want to make someone else take care of it or have to give it up. I don't even know if I'll be anywhere near here next year. Which leads me to think about my plans for a nomadic life once I'm out of college; I don't know if I'll be happy with that. There's no way I could get a cat or anything of the sort, and there's the potential loneliness. While it sounds fun, I've always been kind of iffy about not settling down at all.

So those are the kinds of thoughts I have after I consider getting a pet rodent.

On the bright side, I dropped a class and now have Tuesdays completely free. I'm taking the minimal number of units again, which makes me look like a complete slacker in comparison to science majors. Also, while I've always had the characteristics of a loner, I don't think I've truly been one till now. The weird thing is, it doesn't bug me, but I just feel like I shouldn't be one when I see other people interacting all the time.

I hate how susceptible I am to societal pressure.

God, my hands still smell like latex no matter how many times I've washed them with soap. Also, I probably smell like mice.

Noni Berry

I think I've officially become Davis's resident hermit.

Balance

I came across this really cool site, which explains the philosophies of modern-day Druidry. In the Ethics & Values section, there was this poem by a Cormac mac Airt in response to his grandson, who asked how to behave around different kinds of people:

Be not too wise, be not too foolish,


be not too conceited, be not too diffident,


be not too haughty, be not too humble,


be not too talkative, be not too silent,


be not too harsh, be not too feeble.


If you be too wise, one will expect (too much) of you;


If you be too foolish, you will be deceived;


If you be too conceited, you will be thought vexatious;


If you be too humble, you will be without honour;


If you be too talkative, you will not be heeded;


If you be too silent, you will not be regarded;


If you be too harsh, you will be broken;


If you be too feeble, you will be crushed.

Basically, you should strive for balance in everything you do, which I believe is the key to a fulfilling life. So thank you, oh wise Druid.

God, What a Week

Last Tuesday, I managed to accidentally knock a cup of water right over my laptop, which instantly made the screen go blank. The light was still on, but nothing seemed to be working. So, of course, I panicked. Yet, somehow, three days later, it turned on and was perfectly fine. I was amazed. Still am. I'm not taking any risks anymore, obviously. Any liquid is staying an arm's length away or on the ground.  

I did terrible on my animal lab final and somehow aced the psych midterm, after not showing up to most of the classes and cramming the day before. Which again puts me in a struggle when it comes to my major.

You know what annoys the hell out of me? How higher-paid people are considered more "worthy" than lower-paid people. While we were in Tahoe, my parents told me I could do "better" if I just applied myself, since I used to be so "smart." I could become a doctor or whatever. Like somehow, that will automatically make me more worthy as an adult than what I'm currently considering.

Well, you know what? I don't care about being a doctor. I love helping people, but I know that's not the right way for me to do so. I get grossed out easily. I have terrible communication skills at times. I have no desire to be in school forever. I don't want to be in debt. I don't want to be stressed out daily. I don't want to neglect my family and have my kids turn out messed up.

One of my good friends has made it clear to me that, despite their faith, they think money is a good indicator of someone's worth and even reliability. This messed-up perspective has extended to the classes we're taking. To which I said, quite recently, "Fuck you."

I don't know whether it's my soc class that's opened my eyes to exactly how shitty conditions in America are, or whether it's the election, or whether it's the horrible events of this year's Black Friday, or whether it's just the stuff people close to me have been saying. But I really want to be done with all of this. No, I don't completely shun the value of money to a decent life. But I refuse to let that determine my worth. I want to live life the way it should be lived, to the fullest.